For those of us who find ourselves on this NPE/MPE path, emotions can be extreme and cyclical. And just when you think you’re done with an emotion, it’ll no doubt re-emerge with a slightly different timbre and startle you. And, if you’re like me, you’ll initially feel like a failure because you thought you were “done” with this one!
Whatever you’re feeling, wherever you are in your NPE/MPE journey, know that you’re not alone. And you don’t have to figure this out by yourself.
When my 23&Me test confirmed my NPE status almost 3 years ago, I felt like a freak. My emotions seemed to be rapid cycling and I feel like I couldn’t adequately verbalize what I was feeling. I was suddenly half Jewish. I had 4 new half siblings in addition to the 3 brothers I grew up with. I would never know my biological father because he died in 2011…. the list of new “facts” that were suddenly a part of my truth were overwhelming! How does anyone integrate such life changing information? And how, on earth do you do it when you’re feeling like you’re on your own?
I’m happy to say that I only had to flounder around for about 2 months. Thankfully, someone in my writing group posted something about writing a memoir about discovering that her biological father was someone other than the man who’d raised her. At last, a kindred spirit! I messaged her immediately. She then told me about the DNA NPE Friends group that was specifically for people dealing with these life changing discoveries. I joined the group and went from being the only person in this predicament to being one of thousands….literally, thousands. And there was even a subgroup for people trying to figure out what it means to be suddenly Jewish! Finally, I wasn’t alone! And neither are you!
Thanks to the gift of technology, you can interact with people going through experiences that are similar to yours. You can discuss feelings, coping mechanisms and even have a safe place to just vent.
If you’re not in any of these groups yet, you’ll be surprised by how much better you’ll feel just by being around people who truly “get it.”
There are so many resources available. DNAngels can help you track your new relatives so that you can understand your lineage and work at feeling grounded again.
There are more counselors and coaches being trained to support people in their adjustment process. There are advocacy groups, social groups and even creativity groups that are all related to helping each other survive and even thrive on this strange and confusing path. You don’t have to do it alone!
Please check out the resources listed below and know that we’re all in this together!
DNA Surprises Support Group
DNA NPE Friends
This MPE Life
Adoptees, NPEs, Donor Conceived and Other Identity Seekers
NPE Only: After the Discovery