Under the Halo – Volume 22

Thoughts and Musings of an Angel

Welcome to Sibling Season. For those of your new to DNA Testing and the surprises it could bring, Sibling Season is that period that starts approximately 4 weeks after Christmas when those of us in the community of people who have had a DNA Surprise will welcome the largest influx of new members who never in their wildest dreams thought they would be one of us.

For those in the Donor Conceived community, especially those whose Donors turned out to be their Mother’s Fertility Doctors, it’s a time when they cringe at every email they receive from a direct-to-consumer DNA test company announcing new matches. It’s difficult enough to find out the man who raised you is not your father, even more difficult when you find out your parents used a donor, and are complicit in the secret keeping. But now you have to wonder about all the ramifications of not knowing just how many donor siblings there might be and who they are, and it is downright DEVASTATING to find out that your mother was violated and that you are now, not only one of us but one of them.

With Ancestry, 23 and Me, and My Heritage kits all going on sale for Black Friday, they are always a hot item for the Holiday season. It’s hard to estimate just how many kits were purchased. The two top sites
report around 35 million kits already sold before 2022’s Black Friday sales. The current statistic for those
finding surprises in their DNA is 10-15%, which is at least 3.5 million of those of us “surprised,” but that
is a self-reported number at best, and an estimate at worst. How many people saw the results, didn’t
understand and don’t know to this day? Or know and bury the secret, unable or unwilling to accept it?

And for those of us who are Search Angels, how many of us tell our clients were have yet to solve that
the answer is just one test away, the right person may have tested over the Winter Holiday season and
their test may be here by the end of January/beginning of February, so don’t lose hope!

As much as I resent the fact that an Ancestry test upended my life and caused me pain, heartache, health problems, and stress, it also gave me my greatest joy in being able to help others. Had it not been for meeting Laura when I was at my lowest and needing to help people to help myself, where would I be? I wouldn’t be patiently, but not patiently waiting for those tests to roll in to solve one of my more difficult cases. I wouldn’t be gasp looking forward to sibling season.

Don’t we all, thought? Clients who are in limbo, and the Angels who are the caretakers of their cases,
wait for those matches to start rolling in so we can see if a sibling, cousin, aunt or uncle might just give
us the push we need to finally be able to link that biological parent. Those that run the support groups
and those that are members of the same get ready to answer questions patiently, listen and offer our
sympathy and comfort, and help the new class of NPEs learn how to navigate their new truth.

So whether you are looking with confusion, hopefulness, or abject terror, please know you are not
alone. I would ask that if you find yourself the recipient of a new cousin, new sibling, new relative of
some sort, please be kind. Be gentle. Be honest. Most of us just want to know where we come from.
We want to know where our DNA came from, our heritage, our medical history. We understand that a
relationship is not promised, but a lot of us wouldn’t say no if you wanted to get to know us too.